Week 29 or Week 1 Postpartum

Last week was one difficult week.  Things got better, but it was rough. Trying to get used to life after pregnancy isn't as easy as I assumed it would be, especially with the shock of having the twins two months early. It was a busy week though.  Lots of family and friends came to visit.  All of my immediate family and all of John's family (who left the beach vacation early) and some close friends came to visit us at the hospital while we were there.  I am so thankful for everyone who came to visit, as it made the time fly by.
I was released from the hospital late on Thursday night.  As scared as I was to come to the hospital, I was just as scared to leave.  Leaving without the girls was and still is the worst.  Each night it is awful, and I hate it.  But at the same time I have to remember that they are in a great place.  I also have to think positively and know that it won't be like this for long.
Today is the first day that I've been "alone".  John went back to work and dropped me off at the hospital this morning.  I know that I need this time to catch up and I am thankful for it.  I am also thankful that my Aunt Judy lives close to the hospital so that we can stay with her.  I am thankful for Northside Hospital in so many ways.  Everyone here has been wonderful.  My nurses and and the babies' nurses have been great.  I know the girls are closely monitored and are well care for.  I am thankful for the time I am able to hold the babies and enjoy every second of time I spend with each one of them.

Skin to skin with Claire Elizabeth

Skin to skin with Caroline Lucille

Now for the ugly part. I feel cheated out of a third of my pregnancy.  Looking down at an empty belly was probably the most gut-wrenching empty feeling I have ever had.  I stood in the shower and cried and cried.  I hate my body for not allowing me to carry the babies longer.  I look at the girls and feel so guilty at times. As much as I know that it was nothing I could control, it still sucks.
I am thankful that the doctors caught the liver issues and monitored them so closely.  I felt fine and had no idea that my body was literally turning on me.  Do I still cry at the drop of a hat? Yes.  Will we make it through this as stronger and better parents? Absolutely. Why we were chosen for this path? I will never know, but we are so thankful for the two little blessings we named Caroline and Claire.